Zara Hanawalt
Stop whispering, start talking: sharp, sassy takes on life in a female body.
Why Do We *Still* Hate Openly Ambitious Women So Much?
Let's talk about Whitney Leavitt. But first: A TL;DR for people who aren't tapped into the reality TV world.
Leavitt is a cast member on The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives who recently competed on Dancing With the Stars. During her time on the dance floor, it became abundantly clear: Leavitt, who just a few years ago was a regular mom living in Utah, is a star. So much of a star, in fact, that she recently booked a role on Broadway. For six weeks, she'll play Roxie Hart in Chicago.
Okay, now that we're caught up to speed, let's talk about why Whitney Leavitt has been the name on everybody's lips recently (see what I did there?!) and, more importantly, what it reveals (once again) about our world's reactions to women who go after what they want.
Leavitt admitted that she returned to film The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives just for the chance to compete on Dancing With the Stars, and the Internet erupted with commentary about how opportunistic and self-serving Leavitt is.
But like...is it surprising that someone would agree to appear on a reality show for additional career prospects down the line? Reality TV is a vehicle for professional success, after all.
The thing about ambition in women? We expect women to be professionally successful and financially independent; we just find it horribly offensive when they refuse to conceal their ambition. We expect women (especially mothers) to play it small. And when a woman refuses to do that, when she is nakedly ambitious and openly goes after what she wants, we resent her for stepping out of line.
The good news? We’re finally having mainstream conversations about this, and the controversy around Leavitt is yet another lens through which we can view all these socio-cultural expectations…and all the ways they hold women back. The frustrating reality, though, is that we still have so far to go.
Some people out there are saying “no, it’s not misogyny at play: Whitney Leavitt is just unlikable”. But let’s take it a step deeper: Let’s talk about how little it takes for a woman to be considered unlikeable — especially when they dare to go after opportunities without feigning modesty or trying to play it cool instead of just…going for it. The likability is real, and it's holding us down in so many ways.
Ask Clara:
"Why do we hate ambitious women?"
PSA: Only a Licensed Professional Should be Doing Your Botox
Botox is hailed as a relatively safe way for people to get aesthetic and health benefits — most notably, a reduction in wrinkles. But (and this is crucial!!!) it’s important to remember that Botox is not a skincare product or a beauty tool. It’s a medication. And it should never be administered by someone who isn’t trained and licensed.
Because as it turns out, self-administering Botox (or attempting to cut costs by having an unlicensed person do it for you) comes with real risks. According to a CDC report, multiple people have suffered severe illnesses after self-injection. Illness after botox injection is rare, according to the report, but improperly procured or injected Botox can have real risks.
In these instances, the people bought the stuff online and administered it themselves, despite not meeting the requirements set out by their home states in order to become a licensed Botox provider.
The report advises people to avoid getting “guidance” from social media on self-administering Botox. And yes, that should be a given. But I think we all know that it can be really hard to avoid falling into the trap of believing what you see on social media, even when you know not everything on the internet is credible.
Obviously, the cost factor is real too. Botox is expensive, and we live in a world that preys on women’s insecurities and encourages them to spend their time and money on chasing this unrealistic beauty ideal. This is just one example of how harmful and dangerous that can be.
So let this be a reminder: Botox is not something we should be buying online or administering ourselves. A social media tutorial can suffice when it comes to perfecting a makeup technique. But when it comes to Botox, which is not a product, but a medication? That’s only safe when left to the licensed professionals.
Ask Clara:
"Is Botox safe?"
Many Women Aren't Seeking Treatment for Menopause and I Think I Know Why
We need to talk about a recent Mayo Clinic study, which observed nearly 5,000 women aged 45-60. Three out of four women surveyed reported experiencing menopause symptoms (in many cases, symptoms that intervened with daily life and productivity).
Yet about 80 percent of the respondents didn't seek treatment or care for their symptoms.
And it's not because those treatments don't exist. Instead, some women studied said they preferred to manage their symptoms at home, some were unaware that treatments for symptoms of menopause exist, and some were too busy to seek care.
What’s important about this study, in my opinion, is that it doesn’t just reveal a trend in women’s health, it also begins to get into the context around it. As women’s health advocates and commentators, we have the power to take this conversation deeper.
Because here's the thing about women's health: It isn't just about the findings or the treatments or biology of it all. It's also about access. It's about understanding all the socio-cultural factors that stand between women and the care they need. And in this particular conversation, those factors are especially important to consider.
As women, we're told our entire lives that discomfort and pain are just part of the deal. Normalization of women's pain happens from the time we get our first periods, if not earlier: We're told the cramps and the nausea and the fatigue and the headaches and the mood swings are "normal" and things we just have to power through.
Those messages get under our skin in major ways — and even in middle age, we can't fully shake the idea that we just have to grit our teeth and deal with the symptoms.
We're also discouraged from sharing the realities of our bodies (for fear of giving "TMI" or complaining), which means we have a really hard time gauging what's "normal" and what's unnecessary suffering.
While information about menopause treatments is out there, it's not always presented in a way that's accessible, or spoken about candidly in a way that encourages women to seek out more information.
And then of course, there's the time piece. Because let's be real, every woman I know has way too much on her plate, and many of those responsibilities involve taking care of other people (kids, spouses, parents, siblings, friends...) to the point that they neglect their own needs.
That's the part of the conversation we ought to be having more. Not just that women aren't getting care to manage their menopause symptoms, but why.
Ask Clara:
"What are the symptoms of menopause?"
If You Don't Feel Like an Adult Yet, This Might be Why
Raise your hand if you absolutely didn't feel like an adult when you hit 18...or 22...or 25..or 30.
Yeah, same. At 37, I still have those moments when I'm like "holy sh*t, I'm not a teenage girl anymore — I'm a whole adult human".
There isn't one single point that hits when you find yourself like "yup, this is it: I feel like an adult". It's more a series of moments, some big (like welcoming a baby), some small (like the first time you nail a recipe). But one thing is clear: You can be a legal adult and still feel very much like a child, and...maybe this research sort of explains why?
Neuroscientists from the University of Cambridge have found five major turning points in brain structure over the course of human life. And, well — let's just say that point when a brain exits its childhood stage and enters its adulthood era does not line up with the legal definition of an adult in the United States.
According to a release for the research, the brain's topography shifts into adult mode around a person's early 30s. That phase lasts until the next major shift takes place around age 65.
The study’s findings are pretty fascinating, and you can catch more info here. But what’s most interesting to me is the mismatch between when you’re considered an adult and when your brain truly reaches this adult stage.
According to the release, when your brain hits that adult stage around age 32, brain architecture stabilizes, and according to the release, you may notice a plateau in intelligence and personality around this time.
The TL;DR? If your life doesn’t look at all like you thought it would in adulthood? Well, join the club. And feel free to blame this research.
Ask Clara:
"When does the brain age?"
Do You Ever Get Over a Miscarriage?
Eight years ago today, I got my first positive pregnancy test. After over a year of trying to conceive, I was absolutely ecstatic. And then, when I went in for my first ultrasound and saw an empty gestational sack, I was devastated.
It was a blighted ovum: A type of missed miscarriage in which an embryo never develops, even though the gestational sack and placenta develop. A few weeks later, I had a D&C and just like that, my pregnancy was over.
For months, I felt like a completely different human. A miscarriage is a pretty invisible loss, and when your baby never even began forming in your womb — when you never even got a look at that gummy bear-like image on the screen — it feels even more so. But to me, the loss was so incredibly real. I felt such a darkness, and even though I knew time would dull the edges of my pain, I wanted to scream every time someone told me I would "get over" my loss when I finally held a baby in my arms.
To be clear: That's a horrible thing to say to someone who is going through a loss. It's invalidating and insensitive and just plain rude. But after a few months, I began to feel like myself again.
Do you ever “get over” a miscarriage? Eight years later, with two healthy, beautiful kids, I still don’t know.
My loss doesn't feel like a raw, open wound anymore. But does that mean I’m "over it"? I don't really like to think about a loss and a set of possibilities that were so real to me as a thing to get over. But my miscarriage is not a constant source of pain, and for that I am grateful.
I'm also grateful that my miscarriage is still on my mind, in some ways. I still think about what it would have looked like to have that baby. I still think about the baby I lost. It’s still real to me.
At the end of the day, that pregnancy is a part of my story, and always will be.
If you’re going through a loss, it’s okay to feel angry when people tell you to “get over it”. But I’m here to tell you this: It does get better.
Women Over 50 Love 'Dancing With the Stars'. Does the Show Love Them Back?
When I started watching Dancing With the Stars 11 years ago, people called me “a grandma”. And like...fair. The show has always been a big hit with women over 50.
This demographic has carried the show for 20 years. Now, Dancing With the Stars is wildly popular among young viewers, but without women over 50? I doubt the show would have even made it to its 34th season, which just wrapped on November 25. But there's something we need to talk about, and it's the show's legacy of women over 50 who actually hit the dance floor.
On this most recent season, Elaine Hendrix, who is 54, made the show's finale. Had she won, Hendrix would have been the oldest Dancing With the Stars winner in the show's history. She finished in fifth place, but even that feels historic: Hendrix is only the third woman over 50 to make the show's finale. Let that sink in — in 34 seasons, only three women over 50 have ever made it that far in the competition, which is especially striking when you consider that, well....50 isn't old.
It's not just about the stats. The show frequently features men over 50 who capture America’s heart and go far in the competition, despite a real lack of dance ability. But women over 50 (or, really, over 40)? Even with incredible dance chops, they tend not to fare well.
It’s about so much more than a reality show, though. This is how it goes. As women, we are made to feel like our light dims as we age. Like we’re no longer worthy of the spotlight, or main character treatment after we hit a certain age. That age isn’t even 50; it’s more like….I don’t know, 25? That’s when we start to sense messages that we’re becoming more and more invisible by the day.
And we see that message reflected all over media — including this show, which has been carried by women over a certain age, even if they rarely get to see themselves represented all the way through.
Elaine Hendrix, you made history — along with Jennifer Grey, who won the show’s 11th season, and the late Kirstie Alley, who finished in second place on the show’s 12th.
Iconic words from Hendrix on this particular season will be a rallying cry for women over 50: “I am 54,” she said. “I’m injured and I just did that.”
According to Lizzo, Plus-Size Bodies are Being Erased
A few years ago, a truly body-inclusive world seemed within reach. We finally saw body diversity among models, size inclusion in stores, and progressive rhetoric to replace the body hierarchy many of us grew up under.
But more recently, things have shifted. The Ozempic boom came. SkinnyTok became a thing. And a recent essay from Lizzo puts it all into perspective. Because it's not just about ideas about which bodies are "good" bodies; it's also about availability and access and...well, erasure, according to an essay from Lizzo.
"Here we are halfway through the decade, where extended sizes are being magically erased from websites. Plus sized models are no longer getting booked for modeling gigs. And all of our big girls are not-so big anymore," Lizzo writes.
What is interesting here is that Lizzo herself has — as she writes in the essay — lost weight, and in a very public way, with the world commenting on her changing body and what it means in a larger context at every turn. That’s what makes this essay so interesting: It contains all the necessary nuance.
Lizzo acknowledges that certain health metrics have improved for her as she lost weight. She writes about how depression played a role in her own body’s transformation. She seems to understand that an individual can’t carry the full weight of cultural representation, and that plus-size people’s bodies should be allowed to change without drawing criticism from the public for letting down the body positive movement and community.
At the same time, we should be talking about what Lizzo calls erasure, and better understanding how it limits options for people in larger bodies.
Ask Clara:
"Why does body inclusion matter?"
'Wicked: For Good' is Here, and We're Focusing on All the Wrong Things
Wicked: For Good is, arguably, the biggest movie release of 2025, and that’s a big deal.
For the uninitiated: Hi, I'm Zara, and I've been obsessed with Wicked since the musical made its Broadway debut in 2003. And I’m going to tell you why it’s a big deal that this movie is such a big deal.
At its core, Wicked has always been about the power of women. Those are stories we don't often see in a mainstream way. I understood this as a teenager watching the show for the first time, but now, as a grown woman, I see the many, many layers of commentary woven throughout the story.
It's not just the story of Wicked that puts the power of women, of female advocacy and female friendship, at the forefront. It's also the fact that this is a Hollywood juggernaut in which two women take the lead. How often do we see that?
When Wicked (the first installment of the film) dropped last year, we finally found ourselves having these important conversations about the female power of it all, the fact that finally (finally!!!) the role of Elphaba, a woman who is a perpetual outsider because she has green skin is played by a woman of color (because like…maaaayyyyybe a WOC understands this experience better than anyone?). Of course, much of that was overshodowed by speculation that the two female stars were feuding...which then blurred into commentary about how they're "too close" and "co-dependent". Like...can we win? Ever?
This year, with the second’ installment’s drop, most of the discourse I’m seeing has more to do with the stars’ bodies than it does with these larger themes.
A certain publication even ran an article about the “very thin elephant in the room”, referencing the stars bodies, which, according to the article, have become smaller over the course of Wicked’s press tour.
Listen, there’s something to this. Young girls idolize the women of Wicked, and in an Ozempic-loving world, it is concerning to think about what messages they’ll take away from only seeing very thin bodies in pop culture.
At the same time, these conversations just don’t feel productive. They don’t propose solutions, instead they just make women scapegoats for a larger problem. And they do the thing we’ve also done: They dehumanize women by turning their bodies into fodder for commentary and criticism.
We can talk about body image and beauty standards, but in this particular conversation, we’ve lost the plot.
Ask Clara:
"How do thin celebrities affect body image?"
The BABES Enchancement Act is Proof that Women's Advocacy Matters (Even if it's a Long Game)
A few years ago, aerospace engineer Emily Calandrelli (thespacegal) went viral after a humiliating encounter with airport security. It’s an encounter many breastfeeding moms have experienced, or at least feared: She was traveling without her newborn and, as a breastfeeding mom, had her breast pump and ice packs with her so she could continue pumping.
Multiple TSA agents told her she couldn’t fly with the ice packs. According to a post Calandrelli shared after the experience, she was told that if she had been traveling with her baby, it wouldn’t have been an issue. She asked multiple times to speak with a female TSA agent and was denied this request.
“I cried in the airport. I was embarrassed about having to explain breastfeeding to 3 grown men. I felt humiliated,” Calandrelli wrote. “But guess what? They were wrong. TSA rules specifically state that you are allowed to have gel ice packs (regardless if they are fully frozen!!) for medically necessary purposes. And emptying my breasts on a regular schedule & providing food for my child IS medically necessary.”
So why is this relevant now? Well, Calandrelli’s post inspired a movement. And those TSA rules she referenced in her post? They’re being amended.
The BABES Enhancement Act was introduced in January, and it just passed. The enhancement will mandate streamlining and strengthening of processes around traveling with breastmilk, formula, and feeding equipment. So many parents face situations like these because of a lack of clarity among TSA agents. This bill, which should be passed into law in a matter of days, will ensure clear, consistent guidelines and transparency around the transportation of baby feeding essentials.
It goes to show: When they use their voices, women can move mountains. It might not seem like anything is changing, but it’s a long game — and it pays off.
Ask Clara:
"How can i travel with breastmilk?"
Penn Badgley Got Really Real About Pregnancy Loss and its Impact on His Marriage
The thing about miscarriage? You truly don’t have a concept of how devastating they can be until you’ve experienced one yourself. It’s such an isolating loss. The baby and pregnancy were, in many ways, only real to you. When you’re the pregnant person, even your partner can’t fully wrap their head around what you’re experiencing.
That’s why I wasn’t surprised to hear Penn Badgley’s recent comments on the impact his wife, Domino Kirke’s two miscarriages had on their marriage.
“We did near a separation. And of course, we didn’t give into the gravity of that, the entropy of that,” Badgley said on an episode of the Totally Booked With Zibby podcast.
In his recently released book, Crushmore: Essays on Love, Loss, and Coming-of-Age, the actor expanded on the experience.
“This was our second loss together, a time when I did not feel as though the cycle would break,” he wrote. “My wife and I neared separation, as many do after losses like that, largely because we felt so isolated in a culture that doesn’t talk much about these things or know how to support those going through it.”
As someone who has been through a pregnancy loss, I see exactly where he is coming from. Because we don’t talk enough about pregnancy loss, people don’t know how to handle someone who is going through one. We don’t even know how to speak to or care for ourselves when we’re in it, and part of that is because we are so unprepared.
At the same time, all the preparation in the world can’t prime you for what it is really like to lose a pregnancy.
There are the hormonal shifts and the physical toll the loss takes on your body…but there’s also that awful feeling like you’ve lost control of your body, or that you’ve failed somehow (even though miscarriages are absolutely not your fault). It’s such an invisible, intangible loss — but it’s still so real and so big.
Props to this couple for refusing to whisper about this topic. We need more honesty like this.