Why Does James Van Der Beek's Death Hit So Close to Home for His Fans?

When I first heard of James Van Der Beek’s passing, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Obviously, I didn’t know the actor. I wasn’t even a big fan of his, though I do find the way he spoke about being a husband and father quite beautiful. For a few minutes, I couldn’t wonder why I — and so many of the gen X-ers and millennials I follow online — were so affected by this news. Is it just textbook parasocial behavior…or something more?

A few hours after the news broke, I saw a post that immediately clarified those feelings. “Losing James Van Der Beek is really like losing a classmate for Millennials,” @philantrophygal posted on Threads. The post resonated with many, and for me, it makes perfect sense.

Celebrity deaths hit hard, but now that we’ve started losing more and more of the stars we grew up watching — Shannen Doherty, Luke Perry, Dustin Diamond, Aaron Carter, Michelle Trachtenberg, to name a few — it doesn’t just feel sad to see a star succumb to an untimely death. It reminds us of our own mortality.

It puts into perspective just how fast life moves, and it makes us acutely aware that we are transitioning into a new phase of our own lives.

I’m ten-plus years younger than Van Der Beek, but his illness and death are a sobering reminder. Like my fellow Gen X-ers and Millennials, I am aging into the point in my own life when I have to really take control of my health. Colonscopies, breast cancer screenings, and other routine checks — these are things I really need to stay on top of at this point in life, and Van Der Beek’s experience with colorectal cancer is a reminder that we are not “too young” to be thinking about these things, especially as we see cancer cases rise among young people. And that’s why this celebrity loss feels so heavy…for people around Van Der Beek’s age, it’s not just the loss of a star. It’s also the loss of a peer. 

Ask Clara:

"Why is colon cancer rising among young people?"

What the Breastfeeding 'Secret to Marriage Equality' Headline Misses

Earlier this month, the New York Times opinion section ran a headline that made many parents — myself included — balk. "The Secret to Marriage Equality is Baby Formula," the headline reads. 

Listen, there is a tiny kernel of something to this. As a mom who exclusively breastfed twins, I can absolutely attest to the fact that for a baby's first year, a breastfeeding parent is always on call, while formula-feeding is a job either parent (or an outside caregiver) can take on. But there are certainly ways to redistribute the load, even if it's never exactly equal.

But parenting aside, here's the issue I've always found with conversations like this one: They completely minimize the role breastfeeding plays in maternal health.

Most of the time, when people talk about the benefits of breastfeeding, they're focused on the benefits they provide the baby. But what we need to remember is that breastfeeding also benefits moms in many ways. According to the CDC, breastfeeding can reduce the mother's risk of breast and ovarian cancer, type 2 diabetes, and high blood pressure. There's also evidence to suggest mental health benefits for mothers who breastfeed.

Am I saying that breastfeeding is the way to circumvent all these issues, or is even the superior feeding choice for new mothers? No, not at all. In a country that requires women to return to work bleeding and leaking immediately after giving birth, the notion that we "should" breastfeed is especially flawed. Even with paid leave, it doesn't work out for everyone.

But what's interesting is how minimized the maternal benefit piece of the breastfeeding conversation has been, and how quickly we decide that this thing — a thing that can help babies and their mothers — is the piece we can set aside. Which is…actually just completely typical of the way we treat all women’s health issues.

It's much easier to tell women they need to make the change rather than demand better systemic support. So no, "just turn to formula" is not advice that can save mothers from burnout. Systemic support and an acknowledgement of what is actually good for women and mothers is.

Ask Clara:

"How does breastfeeding benefit mothers?"

Finally Some Good News: Coffee and Tea May Reduce Your Dementia Risk

Sometimes it feels like everything I enjoy is deemed "bad for you". But finally, a piece of news I can get behind: That "I probably should stop but I really could use a buzz" second (or third or fourth) coffee of the day may actually offer some protective benefits.

A new study published in JAMA details observation of 131821 people from two cohorts. The data was collected between 1980 and 2023, and in those years, 11,033 dementia cases were observed. 

According to the findings, coffee drinkers in middle age had an 18 percent lower likelihood of developing dementia later in life, while tea drinkers reduced their risk by 14 percent. The key here is the caffeine: The effect didn't hold up among people who drink decaffeinated teas and coffee.

As always, moderation is necessary. The study calls out two to three cups of coffee a day or one to two cups of tea a day as the protective sweet spot. For me at least, that second or third cup is where I find myself asking if it’s going to be too much caffeine in one day even if I really feel like I could use a bit more energy. This study might make me rethink that…

It’s important to remember that one study doesn’t give us absolute truths. While this data gives us a reason to believe caffeine may have cognitive health benefits — and this isn’t the first time we’ve found a reason to believe coffee can bring benefits to the table — it doesn’t necessarily tell us that a few cups of coffee a day will prevent dementia.

But I could really use some good news right now, and I’m going to take this as a sign that I should pour myself another cup. Join me?

Ask Clara:

"How does caffeine affect me?"

Do Short Women Have Harder Pregnancies? Here's the Truth

I'm just a smidge over five feet tall, so when I got pregnant with twins, everyone's immediate reaction was the same. "You're so tiny," they'd say. How are you going to carry two babies?".

But my doctor assured me my height wouldn't affect things. "I see petite women carry perfectly healthy pregnancies all the time, even with multiples" she explained. As for the discomfort of carrying twins on a small frame? She didn't "have any evidence" that carrying eleven-ish pounds of baby would be more challenging due to my size.

And I don't have any evidence of this either. All I know is that for me, carrying two babies to 36 weeks was not easy. At all. But then, I imagine it's not easy for any mother of any size.

I recently thought of this when I came across a video of Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo talking about this very issue.

Despite my doctor's assurances, there is data to support the idea that pregnancy can be different for petite ladies. In 1989, research found a link to suggest short women  are more likely to have smaller infants and increased odds of having C-sections. In 2015, more evidence to suggest that shorter women tend to have shorter pregnancies emerged. That’s not to say you will give birth prematurely if you’re small; there are many factors that affect how your pregnancy will go. But of course, if you have any questions or concerns, a chat with your provider is in order.

Here's the thing, though: While we know a bit about how being short can affect your pregnancy outcomes, people seem less interested in learning how pregnancy feels for shorter women. Which is not at all surprising, because our world just really doesn't care about women's comfort, especially in the context of pregnancy.

Ask Clara:

"Is pregnancy harder for short women?"

Have We Taken the Protein Craze Too Far?

It’s hard to scroll social media without coming across a video from a creator who “prioritizes protein” or has a strict daily protein goal. 

These creators will show us all the things they do to hit these protein goals: Everything from making high-protein desserts to chugging egg whites to incorporating protein bars and powders and popcorn and cold foam and…well, you get the picture.

Obviously, protein is important…but has the craze gotten out of hand? It feels like we’ve reached a place where we can’t just eat something without making sure it is protein-ized, even if that something is a cookie or a bowl or ice cream. 

Anna Bohnengel, a registered dietician, agrees: The protein craze has gotten a little out of hand — at least to some degree. But that’s not to say protein is not incredibly important. 

“Many people are now chasing numbers with powders and bars instead of building meals from whole foods. Highly processed protein supplements often displace fiber, phytonutrients, and micronutrients that you get with real food sources like eggs, beans, dairy, fish, and meat,” says Bohnengel. “There are also legitimate concerns around contaminants, added sugars, artificial sweeteners, and poor bioavailability in some powders and bars.”

And this — this is exactly what feels so contradictory about the diet and wellness crazes we’re being fed (no pun intended). On the one hand, we’re told to focus on eating “clean” whole foods, yet on the other, we’re told to protein-ify every single thing we eat, and sometimes, those two things feel at odds with one another. 

The exact solution here isn’t super clear, but I do think it’s worth taking a step back and reevaluating how fixated we’ve all become on making every single thing “protein-packed”.

Here’s what we ought to keep in mind: “Hitting a protein target matters,” says Bohnengel. “But not at the expense of other nutrient & health concerns."

Ask Clara:

"How much protein should I be eating?"

Is There a Perfect Way to Announce Your Pregnancy to a Friend Struggling With Infertility?

When I was going through infertility, hearing friends announce their own pregnancies felt like salt being poured into my wounds. It wasn’t just painful, it was uncomfortable. I felt like everyone was looking at me to gauge my reaction.

Because of this, I preferred to receive pregnancy news from friends via text or email, but even those always seemed to strike a nerve for me. It just feels like when it comes to telling a friend who is struggling with fertility stuff about your own pregnancy, there’s just no right way to do it.

Recently, I came across a post from Lucky Sekhon, MD, a reproductive endocrinologist, who shared an incredibly thoughtful message from one friend to another.

In the message, the pregnant woman shares that she has been thinking of the friend going through IVF ever since she learned of her pregnancy, and wanted to give the other woman plenty of time to process the news. “I so wish I was sharing this with you at a different stage in your own journey,” she writes. 

But even in the comments of Dr. Sekhon’s post, people are divided. “Do not text. If this is a close friend it should be in person if possible. If I got this in a text Id be upset. This happened to me. I was doing fertility with multiple losses. My best friend, unmarried and not trying got pregnant, came over and told me before anyone,” one commenter writes. Personally, I disagree — but that just goes to show that there’s no perfect way to do this.

And while many commenters call this “beautiful”, some find it a touch condescending, or say it veers into toxic positivity territory. And truly? I don’t know how I would have felt if I had received a message quite like this one. Yes, it’s very, very thoughtful — but would it have made me feel like I was being pitied a bit? 

The thing is, when you’re going through infertility, you’re basically a bundle of exposed nerves. So many things hurt you or feel wildly insensitive because you’re just in so much pain. But I think the issue here is that there’s just no perfect way to navigate this particular issue of telling someone you’re pregnant when you know they are working through fertility challenges. It all just comes down to approaching the issue with as much sensitivity as possible.

Ask Clara:

"How can I support a friend going through infertility?"

Let's Unpack TikTok's 'Headband Theory' and the 'I'm Just a Girl' Trope

I'll admit it: When I first started hearing the phrase "I'm just a girl" on social media, I was fully on board. It felt like the cute, cheeky reclamation of girliness — a way for us to proudly declare that we hold on to girlhood throughout our lives. 

But there's a fine line between celebrating girlhood and participating in the infantilization of women. And I feel like a lot of the conversations I've come across on social media have gone too far in the latter direction.

Take the “headband theory” that’s going around right now. In a viral video, a young woman talks about a theory she and her friends have: They wear headbands to work every so often. “It signifies to people you’re working with that you are in fact just a girl”, she says.

But…why are we still shrinking ourselves in this way? We’re not “just” girls. This isn’t just about words. It’s about the way women are never taken seriously, and how instead of pushing back against that, we’re contributing to it by playing into the stereotypes.

Maybe there’s the illusion of protection when we lean into the “just a girl” thing, but ultimately, all what we’re really doing is positioning ourselves as  less capable and competent and less worthy of being listened to than we truly are. 

And being listened to, heard, taken seriously, is already such a hurdle women face in every part of their lives, from career, to health, to relationships, and everything in between. Why are we contributing to this?

Ask Clara:

"What happens when we don't listen to women?"

Can We Finally Start Taking Hyperemesis Gravidarum Seriously, Please?

I just came across a story of a mother who came close to terminating her pregnancy due to how debilitating her symptoms of hyperemesis gravidarum were. And in my opinion, the main takeaway from her story, which was shared by BBC, isn’t about choice — it’s about how our world views pregnant bodies as vessels. We don’t care much about how women feel in their bodies, especially during pregnancy. If we did, we would take conditions like hyperemesis gravidarum more seriously.

Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) is a condition that causes intense sickness throughout a pregnancy. This particular mom, who considered terminating her second pregnancy (which was unplanned), could barely care for herself, let alone her child, while dealing with HG. This tracks: Everyone I've spoken to who has had HG reports that they could barely function. It was, in their words, "absolute hell". 

The mom in question did not terminate her pregnancy — and luckily, she found relief. She was able to get her hands on xonvea, a drug that is not routinely prescribed in the UK — this woman was only able to access the drug because she reportedly had an ectopic pregnancy scare for which she saw a physician who was able to prescribe the medication. Her story could have taken a very different turn without this. Last year, a woman died by suicide while dealing with HG, according to ITV.

And listen. This is a big topic that brings in many other big topics. But here’s my takeaway from all this: We need to start taking women and their concerns, pain, and discomfort more seriously. And the lack of understanding and accessible treatments underscores just how little we care about helping women when they’re suffering — and how truly dangerous this can be.

Ask Clara:

"What is hyperemesis gravidarum?"

Snowed In and Slowed Down

I’m writing to you from my house, which is where I’ve been snowed in for the past five days (and counting). The weather in my city is bad enough that my kids have been out of school all week, but not bad enough that my husband’s business trip was cancelled. So I’m here: Solo parenting and managing my kids virtual learning while also working. It has been a lot, yet also…kind of relaxing in a strange way.

Being snowed in feels a lot like the early days of the pandemic. There’s nowhere to go and not much to do, yet so, so much to manage and think about — and so much that exists outside your control, which is a weird feeling for…well, most millennial women, who tend to thrive on being in control.

How exactly does this relate to women’s health? I suppose it doesn’t exactly. But it does all feel very relevant to the idea of wellness.

A snowstorm invites you to lower the expectations, adjust the standards to which you hold yourself. That’s the tension so many of us feel when it comes to wellness: We know that sometimes, the healthiest thing we can do is give ourselves a break, a rest, or some grace. Yet we also know that sometimes pushing through and getting in that workout, or cooking that nutritious dinner instead of ordering pizza is the healthy choice. 

I guess that’s why I’ve been really connecting this snowstorm experience to the larger concept of wellness. Grocery deliveries are limited (and I’m not about to load two kids up to drive through the storm), so meals are just simple and made up of what we have. Exercise is very much on the back burner at the moment. And a friend of mine who was attempting dry January recently shared that the snowstorm made her ditch the attempt. A glass of wine at the end of the day helps her unwind, she says.

Ultimately, we’re doing what we have to do to get through this disruption to our routine, and that’s okay. But there's also this guilt of being off our game, out of our habits, and just generally...kind of functioning at a lower level, I guess.

The timing is especially interesting: While many people are probably still working to maintain their resolutions for the year, this snowstorm kind of asks us to throw the goals out the window.  And for me at least, this type of thing always makes me thing about it truly means to pursue wellness.

Ask Clara:

"What is the difference between health and wellness?"

Are We Wasting Our Precious Time on Earth Worrying About Beauty Standards?

Not to take this to a morbid place, but we have one life, and it’s not going to last forever. And the only thing we’ll have for the duration of that limited lifetime is…well, ourselves.

Our bodies are our forever homes, yet we live in a world that makes us spend our time fixating on all the things that are wrong with those bodies. This has always been a thing, especially for women. I don’t know if there was ever a time when women weren’t made to feel like their value could be distilled down to how closely they matched up to the beauty standard. But now, there’s more to process than ever…and it’s exhausting.

That’s why, when I came across this post on Instagram, I literally let our a massive sigh of relief. We spend so much time and energy in 2026 thinking about all the ways we can alter our looks, and at some point…well, it kind of feels like a waste of time.

In the video, creator Hayley Hoover points out the amount of time we spend thinking about “hip dips and lip flips and microdermabrasion and lipo 360” and protein intake and…well, all the things. Honestly, I’m tired just beginning to think about the full list of aesthetic pursuits Hoover mentions. 

I reached out to Hoover and she told me a bit more about the inspiration for the video. 

“This video is really a message to myself,” she said. “It came to me after a long scrolling session, where I just felt totally bombarded by man-made terms for man-made concepts that were created just to stir up my insecurities. I really needed to remind myself that I don't have to let beauty industry marketing get under my skin.”

Listen, this is all so complicated. I believe we as women have the right to do the things that make us feel better about ourselves — and if that includes calculating the optimal amount of protein proportionate to our body weight, or going under the knife, or getting Botox, or whatever…that’s for each of us to decide.

But I do think it’s important that we realize how all-consuming these standards have become, and how hard they’ve made us on ourselves. 

We don’t have forever in our bodies. And I’ve got to say it: We’re wasting some of that precious time.

Ask Clara:

"How do beauty standards affect women?"