In May of 2015, I married the love of my life. It was a whirlwind romance that took my breath away. I had so much hope and high expectations for this marriage. We were two young people excited to do life together.

One month later, I found out that I was pregnant. I wasn’t ready for that to happen so quickly; it didn’t even cross my mind that I would be in that position only 5 weeks after our wedding. I was honestly shocked and more scared than excited. But seeing my husband’s joy and encouragement convinced me that we could do this.

Shortly after, I started spotting. I never thought you could see blood after you got pregnant, so I visited the Early Pregnancy Unit where they could confirm my pregnancy. They took blood to measure my hCG levels and gave me a scan. The scan didn’t show much, and the sonographer explained that it might be too early to see anything. I left feeling ok and went shopping with my best friend.

Ectopic Pregnancy and Surgery

I then received a call from the nurse. She said I needed to come back in, as my blood was showing a higher level of pregnancy than what was visible in the scan. So the next day, a senior midwife and the sonographer rescanned me. They looked at each other for what felt like forever in this horrible wave of silence.

“I’m so sorry Mr. and Mrs. Adesina, but this is an ectopic pregnancy and it’s no longer viable.”

Excuse me…ECTOPIC? What was that?

Neither of us knew what this meant. The midwife said, “Yes, you are pregnant but the pregnancy did not implant in the right place. It is instead growing in your left fallopian tube. Because of this, you will need surgery and because of the high pregnancy hormone level, we will not be able to save your tube." What!? Wait. Slow down.

I asked them why they couldn’t just move the pregnancy to the right place. They explained this was not possible and that time was of the essence. I would need to sign paperwork because the pregnancy could rupture and I could bleed internally, which is life-threatening. I sobbed uncontrollably. Why me, God? Why me? I’m a newlywed. I’m now going to have a major surgery that will impact my fertility for the rest of my life.

My husband tried his best to keep it together, but he too was shocked. Two days prior we were thinking of baby names and now we were signing papers to remove our baby. This was too much for any new couple to deal with. My mum was called because I needed her. She didn’t understand either; she was devastated. All she ever wanted was to become a grandmother again. She tried to comfort me and my husband but needed to comfort herself. I was prepped for surgery in a daze. I had never been admitted to a hospital before. Now I was going under general anesthesia to have my baby removed from my body. 

The last face I saw before going under was my husband. He held me and he said a short prayer. By this time my whole family had arrived to offer support. I didn’t want support. I wanted someone to take me home and tell me it was just a dream. But it wasn’t.

By the time I awoke, I saw my husband, my mum, and my sisters waiting. They were glad I was ok, but the reality hadn’t fully sunk in. I was taken to my ward and after everyone left, I wept. I couldn’t process the events that had just taken place. I was overcome with a sense of sadness and loss I had never felt before.

woman recovering in a hospital bedThat night, I didn’t sleep. I just listened to worship songs to encourage myself. The next day the doctors came around and explained how it had gone and that I would need six weeks off to recuperate.

I don’t think anyone ever recuperates after a loss. We just get by one day at a time, and that’s what I did. Time is a good healer and having a loving husband, supportive family, and loving friends really helped. I didn’t tell a lot of people because I didn’t want pity. I just wanted to move on. So I went back to live my life as a newlywed.

Two Ectopic Pregnancies in a Row

In November 2015, I found out I was pregnant again. Oh Lord, really? Part of me was so happy but another part was extremely scared that something else would go wrong. What were the odds, though? So as advised, I went to the Early Pregnancy Unit. Again, a scan and bloodwork were done. I kept thinking back to the time we had come before and received bad news. We saw the same midwife and she scanned me again. She turned to me and said, “I’m so sorry Mrs. Adesina but it looks like you’ve had another ectopic. This time it’s even more serious, as there’s fluid in your stomach and uterus. We need to operate now.”

This time, I was angry. What do you mean!? That’s impossible! I can’t be THAT unlucky. There goes me ever becoming a mother. They will want to remove my last remaining tube. One is already gone!

I called my husband and wept. He told me not to sign anything, that he was on his way and less than 30 mins later he was with me and so was my mum. We opted to leave this hospital, as we were in disbelief that we could have such bad luck twice, and off we went to another hospital.

That ride to get a second opinion felt like the longest ride ever. All I could think was, I’m saying goodbye to baby number two. We got there and were immediately taken to the gynecology ward. I prayed that it was a mistake and that in 9 months I would meet my baby. But it wasn’t. They confirmed that the pregnancy was ectopic but could not be sure of its exact location because there was a liter of blood in my stomach. We were now in a life-or-death situation. I needed to go straight to surgery.

By this time, my mum was inconsolable. Seeing my mother break down like that was too much. I knew she felt helpless, just as I did. The doctor came around and I asked him, “What is the chance of this ectopic not being on the other side and on the same side?” He said to me “1 in a million.” I prayed, “God please let me be that one.” I asked the doctor to please try and save my right tube. I told him I did not have any children, and I had only gotten married 6 months prior. He looked at me and he said, “What would be the point of saving your tube if you don’t survive yourself? You need to be in surgery now.” Those words stung. I didn’t want to die, of course, but I also didn’t want to be infertile. So off I went to surgery. All my husband kept saying was, “Please make sure my wife is ok. Please bring her back to me.”

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The next thing I knew I was waking up from the anesthesia. Still groggy, I heard, “We didn’t touch your right tube.” That was like God saying to me, “I’ve got you.” The ectopic was a rare type (the one in a million) known as a stump ectopic and was found on the same side as my previous ectopic. This may not have to be the end of my fertility journey after all.

couple with arms folded in supportPhysically, I recovered quite quickly, but mentally I was broken. I was so unsure of myself. My marriage was struggling because my emotions were everywhere. I was scared to get pregnant, so I was fearful of intimacy. But other months I would want to get pregnant by any means necessary. Imagine the mental struggle of being scared to get pregnant and also wanting it more than anything else in the world.

I cried most days…sometimes to my husband. Others in my quiet space. I was sad. Sadder than I’d ever been in my life. This was hard. But life went on. My husband kept saying that God had not forgotten us. Did I believe him? I don’t know. I wanted to.

Then in February of 2017, I found out I was pregnant again. The third time was the lucky charm, perhaps? I told no one. I didn’t want pity. I just wanted to carry and hold my baby. I eventually told my husband and we kept it to ourselves. Two days later I started bleeding. “Oh no. Here we go!” On March 1st, we sought medical care and were told that I was pregnant but was miscarrying. Wow, God. I must really have done something unforgivable because I wouldn’t wish this fate on my worst enemy.

While I wasn’t ok, I was finding ways to manage my pain. I found writing to my unborn babies helped me release some of that hurt. By this time, I was now eligible for full infertility and loss investigations. All of the tests were done and nothing major came out; I had fibroids and an issue with my thyroid that could potentially cause pregnancy loss, but they weren’t sure. During this period I prayed even more. I left it to God and carried on.

Successful Pregnancy After Two Ectopics 

On June 24, 2017, I was at a church service and I heard the Lord say, “Go into Boots after service and buy a digital pregnancy test.” Meanwhile, I had been testing every month since my last ectopic. I was pregnant, and this time it felt different. I felt this could be it. I had an appointment with a fertility specialist the week after, so I waited until that appointment to confirm things, and I was indeed pregnant. I asked what they could see and they said they could see the sac and the yolk, something I had never heard before. 

8 months later, I met my baby. Josiah Samuel Abayomi Adesegun okuwatifunmi Adesina was born on February 13, 2019. My pregnancy was a beautiful experience, and I couldn't believe that I had gone from thinking “Will I ever have my own child?” to being told I should have even more because I made it look easy. What I've learned through my journey is that God truly is a restorer; He turned my mourning into dancing and taught me that delay does not always mean denial. I am truly in awe of Him.

Abi Adesina is an optometrist by profession and also owns a fashion line birthed from her rollercoaster pregnancy journey. She lives in Surrey, England, and loves to encourage others and be a blessing wherever she can.