'The Ultimatum' and the Sheer Dehumanization of Women

There's one thing I'll never apologize for, and that's my love of reality TV.

Aside from the fact that I believe women should get to enjoy the things they enjoy without guilt, I also think reality TV serves a purpose beyond enjoyment: It gives us a window into what's happening out in the world. It gives me a way to understand cultural trends, dating dynamics, and human behavior, especially where issues like gender are concerned.

And let's just say that if what I'm seeing play out on this season of The Ultimatum is any indication...well, the state of women and how they're treated out in the world is...concerning.

Quick note for those who don't know what this show is: It's a Netflix reality romance show about couples who are on the verge of breaking up as one person wants to get married and is issuing the other an ultimatum. The couples are put in "trial marriages" with members of other couples to test their original connections. It's all very, very messy.

The amount of dehumanization of women that's happening on this season is just...staggering.

There's a man who openly speaks about how his mom does "everything" for him and how his wife needs to be his "new mom" (ick). Another man talks about liking his women to be more "submissive" (he also doesn't believe they should have male friends if they're in relationships). Another compares his longtime girlfriend to a car, then expresses that he'd like to see what's like to be in a different type of car (ew).

But perhaps the most egregious dehumanization comes from yet another man on the show. I won't spoil it if you haven't watched the most recent season yet, but let's just it there are some serious threats of sexual violence made about one of the female cast members. They're framed as "jokes", but this is not the type of thing anyone should ever joke about...and the fact that this is happening on our screens is more than just infuriating. It's really, really scary.

There are so many factors out in the world, from rising ideas about gender essentialism to the very real red pill-ing that's happening IRL and on platforms. One contestant even brushes off these sexually violent comments as "locker room" talk...but let's think about who else has used that excuse (and what it tells men about what is acceptable when we elevate the men who make those comments).

It's all connected. What we see on our screens, what is happening on a larger level, and what it all means about the state of womanhood in our world today.

And let's just say...I don't feel great about any of it right now. At all.