Dancing With the Stars and the Policing of Women's Feelings

The thing about reality TV? It isn't just entertainment; it's a lens through which we can view human behavior and societal standards. And while Dancing With the Stars isn't what initially comes to mind when most people think "reality show", it absolutely showcases both of these things in so many ways.

Most recently — though certainly not for the first time — it's giving us a look at how uncomfortable people are when women, especially women of color, are anything but merely grateful for whatever crumbs they are handed.

See: Britt Stewart. Stewart has been a professional dancer on Dancing With the Stars for years, and it's been abundantly clear that she routinely gets the short end of the stick. It's worth mentioning that Stewart is the first Black female professional dancer in the show's history.

For those who don't know how Dancing With the Stars works, here's a TL;DR. There are a group of professional dancers who are each paired with one "star" cast member to compete per season. Obviously, young, fit people with dance backgrounds are at a major advantage...but those contestants are typically paired with a small group of pros who are clearly favored by Dancing With the Stars production. Stewart, unsurprisingly, is not among this group.

Stewart has revealed her top two dream partners, and both of these male celebrities have been cast on the show...but neither has been assigned to Stewart. While no professional is entitled to choose their partner, this is obviously a slap in the face to a woman who has been nothing but loyal to the show, and has carried the weight of being the first Black woman to hold a pro spot with incredible grace and dignity. This season, Stewart was eliminated early from the competition, even though she and her partner, Taylor Hanson, were doing a great job. She was, unsurprisingly, disappointed. Visibly so. I imagine it wasn't just this elimination, but a history of being overlooked by both production and audience members on this show.

And now, people have a problem with her visible disappointment. They're calling her "rude" and "ungrateful" and accusing her of "snubbing" other cast members, all because she was about to cry immediately after her elimination.

This isn't the first time someone on Dancing With the Stars has been criticized for not handling harsh criticism or an untimely elimination "well".

When Lauren Jauregui was eliminated way too early from the same competition, she cheekily responded "pissed" when asked how she was feeling. The Internet has some ~big feelings~ about that one.

Simone Biles made headlines for responding with "smiling doesn't win you gold medals" when asked why she didn't smile after her performance. This is not an exhaustive list.

And again, it's not about Dancing With the Stars. This is about the expectation that women never demand more for themselves. It's about the policing of their disappointment when they dare to let it show. It's about how we expect women, especially women of color, to just accept what is giving to them, no matter what.