The Mental Load of Mother’s Day and Lifelong Social Conditioning

In the early days of May, I often receive this question: “So what are your Mother’s Day plans?”.

Here’s the thing, though: As a mom of young kids, I firmly believe that Mother’s Day plans are none of my business, at least not until the actual day rolls around. The reality is, though, women are still carrying the mental load of Mother’s Day — just like  we’re carrying the mental load of…most holidays. Even the ones that are supposed to be about us.

In my opinion, moms deserve to relax into the plans (rather than orchestrate them) on Mother’s Day. We ought to be the ones considered, not the ones considering everyone else’s needs on this one particular day. That means we don’t need to be the ones making the brunch reservations, or ordering the flowers, or choosing the gift. 

Yet clearly, moms being the architects of their own special day is the default, which is pretty clear based on the way so many people ask moms like me what I am planning, not what my partner is planning for me.

This is so much bigger than a maternal issue or a Mother’s Day issue or even a holiday issue. It’s a gender issue. 

The fact of the matter is, we socialize girls and boys differently. We expect different things out of girls. We raise them to consider everyone else, to anticipate needs, to give and never expect anything in return. 

And what does that create? A generation of women who have  to steer the ship, to think about everyone else, only to be told that if they want something for themselves, they have to make it happen on their own…or at the very least, communicate these expectations very, very clearly.

I’m tired of that. This Mother’s Day, let’s let women rest. And more importantly, let’s change the culture that expects so damn much out of them...even on the days that are meant to be about their enjoyment.