It's Everything Shower Season (And I Have Thoughts)

My friend texted me last week: "I just shaved my entire body." I responded: "Wait, I'm literally about to do the same thing." We didn't plan this. We didn't need to. It's that time of year, and somehow our bodies knew it before our calendars did.

If, like me, you're Italian and had a unibrow until you were 14, you know this isn't your average shower. This is the "everything shower" — the full spring production, the fresh razor purchased in advance, the prayer you make it past the left knee.

I've been thinking about this more than usual since watching the America's Next Top Model documentary, which sent me spiraling in the best and worst way. Watching those episodes back, what struck me wasn't the drama; it was how completely unremarkable it all felt at the time. Women being assessed, corrected, and ranked by the inch, all of us at home absorbing it like it was just TV. It wasn't just TV. It was the water we were swimming in, and most of us didn't notice until years later.

We grew up steeped in that: the before-and-afters, the "flattering" cuts, the understanding that our bodies were permanent renovation projects. Now we're in our late thirties, rolling our eyes at all of it, and also blocking off ninety minutes before sandal season to handle the situation.

What can I say — women contain multitudes. You can see exactly how you got here and still need to get your eyebrows threaded every two weeks. Both things, forever.