Is Automatically Unfollowing Women Who Get Married or Pregnant a Form of Misogyny?

I recently came across a TikTok that went viral. In it, a woman shares that she automatically unfollows any woman once she announces a pregnancy or engagement.

The post has since been deleted, but it’s not the only one of its kind. Across my feeds, I frequently see takes from people saying that once a woman gets married or has a child, she becomes unrelatable and uninteresting. And they click that “unfollow" button.

Listen, I get that it’s easier to relate to someone who is in a similar phase of life to your own. I understand that single and childfree women, who have historically been criticized by the public and deemed “selfish” or "incomplete" should be entitled to find community.

But this idea that once a woman makes more traditional choices (marriage, motherhood), she becomes boring, dull, uninspiring, uncool— that’s also a real piece of the womanhood experience. Many of the people saying they hit unfollow when a women online takes this path are framing it as a progressive choice. But removing your support when a woman makes a choice that looks different than your own…well, that doesn’t feel like true feminism, at least to me. Especially when you consider that hitting "unfollow" isn't just a personal move, but one that can ultimately affect a creator's business. 

On my feeds, I’ve seen real beef pop up between childfree-by-choice people and parents. On the childfree side, people will boast about the things they can do because they’re not “shackled” by children; on the parent side, people (many mothers) will declare that anyone who has never experienced parenthood just simply doesn’t know love or purpose. 

But girls, come on. We have to stick together here! We have to have each other’s backs. And when we let this divide come between us, all we do is decrease our collective strength as women.

I am a married woman and a mother. And you know what? Maybe that does make me uninteresting to some. I spend most of my nights at home, reading books and sipping herbal tea and watching all my shows because...that's what I want out of life right now. Peace, calm, relaxation (with a side of vicarious chaos via the shows I watch).

But marriage and motherhood didn’t erase all of me. I am still who I was before. 

I get that if an influencer you follow starts only posting content about marriage and motherhood, you may feel compelled to leave the chat because those aren’t topics that appeal to you. That’s totally fine!

But to assume that a woman is going to become consumed by those things, that she is going to cross over to this place of banal unrelatability, that everything she’s brought to the table will suddenly vanish as she adds new pieces to her identity? That doesn’t feel cool or revolutionary or fresh at all, at least to me. It actually feels a bit like misogyny.

Because let's face it: We don't let chocies around marriage and motherhood define men.