Single Mother by Choice: Becoming an Independent Parent

Most people grow up wanting to eventually become parents. While many do so through traditional partnerships, more and more are separating their romantic relationships...
Rachel Crowe •Aug 11, 2022

Most people grow up wanting to eventually become parents. While many do so through traditional partnerships, more and more are separating their romantic relationships from their desire to grow their families. Becoming a single, solo, or independent parent – all terms that can be used interchangeably for this community – is a beautiful choice that should be celebrated, even if it’s different than what they initially envisioned for themselves. 
 
Independent parent-to-be, Pamela DeLaNuez, was once asked, “Are you going to regret not having a romantic relationship, or are you going to regret not having kids?” That simple but profound question made her realize that her path to parenthood could be separate from her romantic life. 

single mother by choice sitting on the the top of a rocky outcropping
Still, “going through it alone” can feel overwhelming if you’re at the beginning of your journey. Here’s a breakdown of what to expect as you consider if independent parenting as a female is the right choice for you:

1. Think through exactly what you want from a sperm donor 

Of course, everyone’s primary goal is a healthy baby, so genetic compatibility with your donor to avoid potentially major issues is essential. However, you also have the opportunity to dream big about what you want for your future child. This might start with picturing what you’d like your future child to look like or what ethnic background you’d like them to have. With extensive testing and databases for donors including everything from genetic conditions, physical appearance, ethnicity, educational achievement, family background, music taste, personality profiles, and hobbies, there’s a wealth of information you can sort through to find your ideal match. 
 
Danielle Dobratz, an independent mother to a 15-month-old boy, explains what she prioritized in seeking her sperm donor, “I wanted someone who had a similar appearance [but] opposite qualities than me.” Finding the right match can mean different things to everyone, and one of the most beautiful things about independent parenthood is that it’s unconventional, so you can replace what you’ve been taught you ‘should’ want with what you truly want.

solo parent by choice with her child in a field of lupines
2. Find a sperm bank that’s willing to be your partner

Choosing to become an independent parent is a journey of empowerment, and California Cryobank is here for you at every step. They explain that many of them “are strong, successful, educated people who have never needed ‘help’ to achieve whatever it is they have set out to do. This is very different from anything they may have experienced before.” 
 
Here at California Cryobank, one of our main roles as a sperm bank is to provide you with the tools to help you find the right donor to grow your family. That means maintaining a database of rigorously screened donors for you to choose from and offering you one-on-one support from our Client Services team to help navigate the journey ahead, like future family planning and building.

3. Build your village early

No one will ever say it’s an easy decision to become an independent parent, but it can be one that helps galvanize your village to support and help you throughout the process. Danielle Dobratz got her friends involved in her journey early on by throwing a party to review sperm donor candidates. She had her friends help with everything from ranking her picks to ultimately choosing her donor. Getting your friends and family on board with your decision as early as you're comfortable is a great way to have that essential support throughout the process. 

single mother by choice kissing her son in the park
Rallying your closest friends and family is the first step, but not the only method of finding support on your journey. With independent parenthood on the rise, those choosing this path to parenthood are less alone than they might realize. California Cryobank helps create a community for these parents. From Family Stories where intended parents can read real stories from others who have been there to the Single Mothers Bulletin Board on cryobank.com, there is no shortage of resources to help you feel less alone, even while pursuing parenthood on your own. 
 
If you’re considering becoming an independent parent, you have a community ready to help you through this path on your terms. In the words of Danielle Dobratz, “anything that you're worried about, don’t let that overwhelm and deter you. I'm so happy that I didn't wait.” In fact, you can start your search today at cryobank.com and use our promo code RESCRIPTED for a FREE Level 2 Subscription (a $145 value) to get access to their donor catalog, complete with extended donor profiles, childhood and adult photos, DNA ancestry, and so much more! 


Rachel Crowe is a Denver-based comedian, screenwriter, and freelance journalist.