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I’m writing this in real-time as I sit in my hospital bed after being admitted for signs of pre-term labor. In an insane and unexpected turn of events, two days ago when I was at my OBGYN's office for my routine 27-week growth scan, the ultrasound tech immediately looked alarmed at the length of my cervix. In a matter of days, it had gone from a solid 4-5 cm to only 1.2 cm. They instructed us to go to the hospital immediately and get checked in, and it turned out I had been contracting every 2-3 minutes without feeling a thing. So, I’m officially on hospital bed rest for at least the next 6 days until I reach 28 weeks.
Although I was surprised that things had changed so drastically for me in just a matter of days, I was also shocked that I wasn’t entirely freaking out. I mean, isn’t pre-term labor what I’ve been afraid of for this entire pregnancy? Isn’t this what all of my doctors had warned me about? But for some reason, I immediately had this sense of calm that it wasn’t anything I had done that had gotten me to this point.
I recently stopped commuting and have been working from home, and despite light chores around the house, I have been taking it pretty easy, especially on very hot days. I was also reassured that I was going to be in good hands at the hospital where I was planning on delivering, and I was thanking my lucky stars that I was only a day away from 27 weeks, so the viability of the babies was no longer a question. I realized at that moment that I was finally accepting that there are certain things in life that are completely out of my control. It was a lesson I had learned the hard way from going through infertility for so long, but a valuable one. Steroid shots in the butt? No problem, bring them on, I went through worse during IVF!
Infertility taught me to expect the unexpected and to roll with the punches. If these babies want to come, they are going to come. If they want to keep cooking (we can only hope), they are going to keep cooking. I’m not going to lie, I did have a slight breakdown last night because the thought of staying in the hospital long-term completely overwhelmed me, but overall I have been much calmer than I would have expected from myself even a year ago.
Do you know how I know that I am different than before? Because my baby shower is supposed to be on Saturday, and I’m not crying my eyes out about it being canceled even though it’s a day I’ve been picturing for so long and I know my mom worked so hard to prepare for it. Have I cried because this is an emotionally draining and scary time? Of course, but overall I am proud of myself for taking this whole situation in stride so far. Every day these babies stay in is a victory at this point, so that has to be my main focus right now even if I’m wildly uncomfortable in this hospital bed and an emotional wreck about the possibility of my babies coming too soon.
To update you, as of right now I am stable and the babies are doing great. My contractions have stopped, but unfortunately, since my cervix is still very thin, the doctors don't feel comfortable sending me home until I hit the 28-week milestone next Wednesday. So, the next few days and probably weeks will be a waiting game for us. But if I learned anything from my infertility journey, it's that good things come to those who wait. My road to get here was too long and difficult for me to get this far to stop fighting now, and hopefully, these babies will take a lesson from their mom and continue to fight as well. Given how hard they are currently kicking me, I think they will!
Kristyn Hodgdon is the Co-Founder and Chief Creative Officer at Rescripted.
