The Double Standard of Refusing Sex Scenes

Do you remember the fanfare that ensued when Penn Badgley revealed that he’ll no longer film sex scenes? The actor shared that he had a conversation with the showrunner of You, the show in which he starred, about eliminating “intimate” scenes out of respect for his marriage. 

The news made headlines. There was a bit of debate, but for the most part, people praised the actor. And I think they should: This is a great example of setting personal boundaries around your comfort and your partners. Actors own their own bodies and deserve to make choices about what they’re comfortable with.

But I remember wondering how this would have played out had an actress make this request…and as I suspected, it’s not quite the same, at least if one actress’s experience is any indication.

Shenae Grimes-Beech, an actress best known for her work on shows like 90210, recently shared that she’s also made similar on-set requests….with very, very different results.

“I have been having that exact same conversation with directors since I was a teenager,” Grimes-Beech said on an episode of Lost the Plot with Shenae Grimes-Beech. “Except when I had it…it didn’t make headlines.”

Instead of heaps of praise, Grimes-Beech received pushback, the instruction to “be a team player”, and a reputation for being “difficult to work with”. 

The actress spoke about a specific time she was “ambushed” on set and asked to compromise her boundaries, all while a full team watched her on set.

Is this surprising? No, not at all. Women are so frequently denied agency over their own bodies. It is so easy to be dubbed “unprofessional” or “difficult” or "obstinate" as a woman, whereas when a man exhibits the same behavior, he is considered “powerful”. It’s not just that men’s boundaries around their bodies are far more likely to be respected — they’re also far more likely to applauded and celebrated…while women are given none of those privileges in many of the same situations.