Gestational Carriers Deserve a Voice in the Surrogacy Conversation. Actress Becca Tobin Just Handed One a Mic

There’s still so much stigma surrounding surrogacy. There’s also so much mystery surrounding it…and in my opinion, those two things go hand in hand.

In order to show surrogacy for what it is — a well-controlled, mutual agreement that some families need, and others families choose, as a method of family-building — I believe we need more people who can shed light on what it truly looks like.

We don’t often hear gestational carriers' stories about what it is truly like, or what led them to surrogacy in the first place. And especially in the case of celebrities who build their families via surrogacy, there’s this sense that the carriers are almost invisible. Sure, they likely want to protect and preserve their privacy, and of course this is even more important when you’re working with a famous intended parent. But while I completely understand why there’s the invisibility around celebrity gestational carriers, it also feels glaring. Like they’re hidden in the shadows.

That’s why I love what actress Becca Tobin, who is expecting her second baby via gestational carrier, did on an episode of Baby Gang, a series of her mega-successful podcast LadyGang. 

In the episode, Tobin shines the spotlight on Katie, the woman who is carrying her second baby. She withholds Katie’s last name, but she gives Katie her moment — a moment to talk about herself, to describe what this experience is like, and to share her side of what surrogacy truly looks like.

This episode gives us something we almost never get to witness: We get to see what the relationship between a gestational carrier and an intended parent truly looks like. 

That’s not to say that Becca and Katie’s relationship is the same as every other carrier/intended mother’s relationship. Of course, there’s no single way to experience all this, but this particular dynamic is so fascinating to see, or rather hear, as the two women connect over microphones.

It’s also a great listen for people who are interested in becoming gestational carriers themselves. Because sure, you can look at the guidelines, but few resources really dive into what it’s actually like to go through this part of the process, to play this role.

We need more of this type of honest conversation to happen in ways that are accessible to the public. From what it’s like to miscarry in a surrogacy arrangement, to what it feels like for a gestational carrier to explain the situation to their own children, to the wild things people say to women on both ends of the surrogacy equation…there’s a lot to unpack. Kudos to these ladies for doing just that, and taking surrogacy out of the shadows.