Why Do We *Still* Hate Openly Ambitious Women So Much?

Let's talk about Whitney Leavitt. But first: A TL;DR for people who aren't tapped into the reality TV world.

Leavitt is a cast member on The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives who recently competed on Dancing With the Stars. During her time on the dance floor, it became abundantly clear: Leavitt, who just a few years ago was a regular mom living in Utah, is a star. So much of a star, in fact, that she recently booked a role on Broadway. For six weeks, she'll play Roxie Hart in Chicago.

Okay, now that we're caught up to speed, let's talk about why Whitney Leavitt has been the name on everybody's lips recently (see what I did there?!) and, more importantly, what it reveals (once again) about our world's reactions to women who go after what they want. 

Leavitt admitted that she returned to film The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives just for the chance to compete on Dancing With the Stars, and the Internet erupted with commentary about how opportunistic and self-serving Leavitt is.

But like...is it surprising that someone would agree to appear on a reality show for additional career prospects down the line? Reality TV is a vehicle for professional success, after all.

The thing about ambition in women? We expect women to be professionally successful and financially independent; we just find it horribly offensive when they refuse to conceal their ambition. We expect women (especially mothers) to play it small. And when a woman refuses to do that, when she is nakedly ambitious and openly goes after what she wants, we resent her for stepping out of line. 

The good news? We’re finally having mainstream conversations about this, and the controversy around  Leavitt is yet another lens through which we can view all these socio-cultural expectations…and all the ways they hold women back. The frustrating reality, though, is that we still have so far to go.

Some people out there are saying “no, it’s not misogyny at play: Whitney Leavitt is just unlikable”. But let’s take it a step deeper: Let’s talk about how little it takes for a woman to be considered unlikeable — especially when they dare to go after opportunities without feigning modesty or trying to play it cool instead of just…going for it. The likability trap is real, and it's holding us down in so many ways.