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Just as you’re about to take that first bite of your aunt’s famous pecan pie, your well-meaning grandmother says, "So, when are you having kids?” Holiday family time is great and all, but knowing how to deal with those awkward personal questions can get tricky.
The thing is — you decided to freeze your eggs, and while you want to be honest, sometimes it's hard to know if you're about to launch into a bigger conversation than everyone's prepared to have.
Tips for talking about egg freezing with family
Discussing your choice with family members isn’t easy, especially if they have different perspectives or a limited understanding of modern fertility options. But don't worry — with some planning and a well-thought-out game plan, you’ll rock those conversations with confidence and maybe even educate your family in the process.
Start with the basics
Before getting into the specific details of your personal journey, it's helpful to gauge your family's general knowledge about egg freezing. Some people may have never heard of the procedure, and some may have really backward misconceptions about how the process works.
You can say something like, "Egg freezing is like pressing pause on your fertility clock, and the procedure gives women the flexibility to preserve their eggs for future use." This straightforward explanation can help set the stage for a more in-depth discussion, should you decide to have it.
Share your 'why'
It's totally natural for your family to be curious about your decision to freeze your eggs, even if it is a personal choice. If you're comfortable sharing, honesty is a great option.
Whether you're prioritizing your career, haven't found the right partner, or simply want more time to decide, your reasons are valid. And remember, you get to choose how much you want to share. A simple "I'm focusing on other things right now" might be all you need to say in the moment.
Or you could say, "I'm really excited about my career right now, and I want to give myself the best chance of having a family when the time is right." No need to apologize for making choices that align with your goals and values.
Clear up the confusion
Egg freezing is often misunderstood, and your family might have some very incorrect assumptions about the process. Be ready to address common myths and provide accurate information. For instance, some people believe that egg freezing guarantees a future pregnancy, which definitely isn't the case.
You could say, "While egg freezing doesn't guarantee a baby, it does increase my chances of having a child later in life. It's like an insurance policy for my future."
Be open to questions
They might have questions about egg freezing, and that's okay! Encourage their curiosity and be patient in your responses. If you don't know the answer to a particular question, it's perfectly fine to say, "That's a great question. I'm not sure about that, but I'd be happy to look into it and get back to you."
Some questions to be ready for: How much does it cost? Is it painful? How long can the eggs be frozen? What happens to the eggs if you don’t use them? Did your insurance cover it?
Set clear boundaries
While it's great to be open about your egg freezing journey, setting boundaries is extremely important. You're not obligated to share every detail of your medical procedures or personal decision-making process. If a conversation becomes too intrusive or uncomfortable, it's okay to redirect the discussion gently.
You might say something like, "I appreciate your interest, but I'd rather not go into all the details. What I can tell you is that I'm feeling good about my decision and excited about the possibilities."
Prepare for opinions
Some of your older family members might have grown up with very different ideas about family planning and fertility. While their views might seem outdated, approaching the conversation with empathy can lead to a better understanding on both sides.
Try saying, "I know this is different from how things were done in the past. But I'm grateful we have these options now and excited about what it means for my future."
Share useful resources
Share some accurate and easy-to-understand resources if your family members want to learn more about the egg freezing process.
You might say, "If you'd like to learn more about egg freezing, I can recommend some great websites that explain the process in detail.”
Thank them for their support and curiosity
Regardless of how the conversation goes, it's important to acknowledge your family's willingness to have the discussion. Express your appreciation for their support, even if they don't fully understand or agree with your decision.
You could say, "Thanks for being open to talking about this with me. Your support means a lot, and I'm glad I can share this part of my life with you."
Talking about egg freezing with your family might seem a little daunting, but it doesn't have to be a scary conversation. Think of it as a chance to really connect with your loved ones and help them understand your choices.
If you go into it with an open mind, a little patience, and some empathy, you might be surprised how supportive they can be. And if they don’t support you, it’s still your life, and freezing your eggs means you’re taking charge of your future. And that’s something to be super proud of.
Blair Sharp is a freelance writer who lives in Minnesota with her husband and son. Her words have been published in various publications, including Parents, SheKnows, The Bump, and Insider. You can find her watching reality TV and sharing too many reels with her friends when she's not writing. To connect with Blair, find her on LinkedIn and Instagram, or head to her website www.blairsharp.com.