Dear Infertility _Season 4_Ep 6_Caroline Lunny: Audio automatically transcribed by Sonix

Dear Infertility _Season 4_Ep 6_Caroline Lunny: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Hi, I'm Kristyn Hodgdon, an IVF mom, proud fertility advocate, and co-founder of Rescripted. Welcome to Dear (In)fertility, the first-ever podcast that doubles as an advice column for fertility, infertility, and pregnancy loss. This season we're going back to our roots, highlighting personal fertility stories from those who have been there, through IVF, egg freezing, donor conception, surrogacy, and more. Now, let's dive in and work towards ending the stigma around fertility, infertility, and pregnancy loss.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Hi everyone, and welcome back to Dear (In)fertility. I'm your host, Kristyn Hodgdon, and I'm here with Caroline Lunny. Hi, Caroline.

Caroline Lunny:
Hi. Thanks so much for having me.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Of course. I'm so happy to chat. We chatted a long time ago on Instagram live, so excited to reconnect and hear more about your egg-freezing journey. So for those of you who don't know Caroline, she is a Bachelor alum and realtor who has spent nearly two years dedicated to her fertility journey. Now she's sharing everything she's learned to help other women who may not even know they're in the same situation. So, Caroline, before we dive into sort of the nitty-gritty, would you mind giving everyone sort of a brief overview of your journey in your own words?

Caroline Lunny:
Yeah. So I went on The Bachelor a few years ago and it's funny. So whenever people go in their bachelor, like, you see, like all of a sudden others like this little influencer and everybody has an ad and I was watching all of my friends do the modern fertility ad, and I was like, oh, that seems fun. And I was like, I'm going to do that. And truthfully, like, I just was like, I'm probably like super fertile, like, and I just, kind of like, I didn't think anything was wrong. I had very regular periods and I just think I honestly wanted bragging rights to be like, hook at how great I am. So I reached out to my agent and I was like, Hey, like, I would love to do this too. And he was like, sorry, they're only looking to work with like serious couples right now. They're not looking to work with single sad people like you.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Oh my gosh.

Caroline Lunny:
They didn't say that, but that's kind of like more or less.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Which is kind of the antithesis of what we want, right? Like, we want people to start thinking about it so much earlier and not when they're actually trying.

Caroline Lunny:
Absolutely. But I think it's so important that that's part of like my personal testimony because.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Oh, perfect.

Caroline Lunny:
This is such like a good thing to be like how, initially, like I was rejected because I'm alone and like, so sad and single and nobody wants me. No one wants to have a baby with me. Like, you shouldn't even be thinking about those things. Girl, all the more reason to be thinking about those things. So anyways, I was humbled and rejected for the modern fertility ad by my agent. And then I just was like, all right, well, like whatever. Didn't think anything of it. And then like, maybe like a year and some change later, I don't know what it was, I think it's just intuition. And I think like your mother's intuition kind of is, just it's there. And I think our bodies are so much more smart than we give them credit for, because I have no idea what caused me to take that test. But I, I bought it. I paid my own money for it. I use my friend's code because God knows it and gave me a fucking code. So I was like, fine, I'll pay for it. And I thought, thank God I did. And thank God I just, it wasn't even like a woman gut feeling. It didn't even seem like anything monumental that I was doing. It just seemed kind of like, I don't know, I personally, I'm the ultimate consumer. I'm like, oh, what's this? Well, I'm swiping up like, I buy these things too. I'm so easily influenced and thank God for that. So I took the test, no big deal. And I got my results back and I was about to go to the grocery store and I remember the thing came up on my phone and I was like, oh, what does this mean? And I'm going through them all. And it's like, normal, normal, normal. And then it was like in the red and it was like kind of like, hey, like, you want to this one is important. And I was like, AMH, what's that? You know, day one, right? You don't know anything. And you're like, so then you go on Google and you're like, what is a normal AMH like range for, you know, I had just turned 29, and I think the range, like the normal range is like 2.5 and then it's as low as 1.0. And I'm like, wait a minute, what's mine? And I look at my results and it's the 0.3 and I'm like.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Wow.

Caroline Lunny:
Wait a minute. Low is 1.0 and I'm at 0.3? And so then Modern Fertility is great because they have like a nurse call you instead of a whole thing. Although I will say this, my phone call with that nurse could have gone a little bit better. And I've talked to Modern Fertility about this and they're like, we are going to like this is very important. We take this very seriously. And so they've had a talk with the people who work with them just to kind of explain things a little bit better, because I was like, hey, like, what does this mean? Like, am I going to be able to have kids? And she's like, oh yeah, you'll be able to have kids. She's like, you just need an egg donor. And it was just very like point blank, like she did, had no, like, she shouldn't have said that to me. But I mean, if you like, flat out like look at my numbers. Truthfully, I had like six people say that to me. So she was just the first one. But Modern Fertility has gone through some things where they're like, hey, we're not going to, they take that very seriously. You can't just give a blanket statement like that, whatever. And so we've been phenomenal, the ways that they really cater to women and really empower women. And it's just I owe them everything. And so I'm insanely grateful for the convenience of this test because not only did it give me the power to like, check in on myself because doctors aren't checking these things. No one's checking these things. When you're 29, you're single and no one, whatever, all these things that they like, again, a general blanket statement for this whole world of fertility. But so the thing with Modern Fertility that was great is that, I then went to my gynecologist and I was like, hey, I want you to run my fertility labs because I have this Modern Fertility result here, and it says that this is low, and then something was high. I don't remember what the other thing was, but.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Maybe FSH?

Caroline Lunny:
That's what it was. Yes, I wasn't sure. But then I'm like, I'm pretty sure it's FSH, but whatever. So I was like, hey, like, I, can you run some labs, that is just a consumer-driven test from the Internet, like they're just trying to take your money. And I was like, well, I already bought the test, so I don't really know what they get out of lying to me about my ....

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Yeah.

Caroline Lunny:
Just, the business. And that doesn't really add up, but, all right. And she's not listening to me. And it was really frustrating. And so I was like, can you just, like, run it anyways? Like, I'm here? Like, just run it.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
It's just a blood test. Yeah.

Caroline Lunny:
You just turned 29. Like, you have to be, like, trying and failing for whatever, like a year at your age before people even, you know, things just are, .... And I just think it's so frustrating to be like, why are you arguing with me about this? Why is this something like it's not like it's Canada and the health care is free, like I'm paying you. Like I, run it through my insurance. I never have anything that I go to the doctor for. Those bitches get away with everything, I give them so much money for my insurance every month. And so it was super frustrating and I could see that I wasn't getting anywhere with her. So then I started to lie to her and I was like, oh yeah, like my boyfriend and I, you know, we're not not trying and we're just unprotected sex everywhere. I just, I'm just, I'm just a cum dumpster like.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Isn't it awful, though? They don't always take you seriously and, and I can identify because when I initially got diagnosed with infertility and PCOS I was 27, and even my fertility doctor at the time was like, oh, you're going to be fine, you're so young. And a year later I'm starting IVF. So it's like, yes, fertility declines with age, but in some cases there's a very clear indicator that something's wrong and you're still not going to take me seriously.

Caroline Lunny:
Right. And just I was like, just what is, like we could have been done with this by now. Like the blood test would have taken significantly less amount of time than you sitting here arguing with me. Like, what's the problem? Like, I'll pay for it. Just fucking run the test. Like, I can't order this myself. I don't know how to do a blood. I can't do it myself or whatever, you know you need to do to get the blood, whatever. I'm like, just do it. And so eventually, after I lie through my teeth to her to get her to listen to me, you know, I have to wait for the lab results to come back. And so she calls me and I can hear it in her voice. And I'm like, this woman a week ago basically promised me that this stupid test from the Internet was wrong. I was fine. I'm so young. I'm fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. And she had no reason to tell me that. And it pisses me off because how many more people are asking this question and don't, like aren't a stubborn mule like I am, and I'm just like, fighting back and having the lie to this woman because she's not listening to me. And that infuriated me. Because then she calls me and she tells me, and I could hear it in her voice, and I was like, what is it? It's like, I'm just like, at this point, I'm like, just fucking tell me what it is. So my Modern Fertility results said 0.3, right? She comes back and tells me it's 0.1.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Oh my gosh.

Caroline Lunny:
And I was like, all right. ... huh? Remember when you didn't want to test me? Like I'm a sassy bitch at this point.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Well, good for you for advocating for yourself. Because you're right. Some people would be like, well, this is a doctor telling me, you know.

Caroline Lunny:
... Know everything, and you know what? They're human. And also the way that I feel like the medicine hasn't really caught up with, or like the teaching hasn't really caught up with all of the hormones and all of the chemicals in our products are messing with our hormones like it's a mess. And it's just I don't think they realize how big of a problem this is. And I think the other piece of that also is that we are trained to believe that this is a very taboo topic.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Oh, yeah.

Caroline Lunny:
And it pisses me off. The whole idea that you are supposed to wait till a second trimester to tell anyone you're pregnant, because if you lose the baby, you're not allowed to tell anybody? It just makes no sense. And obviously to each his own and however anyone wants to process that. But I think there's this weird culture with shaming women for like, it's really soon, are you sure you want to be telling people? I'ts like, bitch, if my goldfish died, I'd come on to work, and say things like Nemo is dead. And you'd be like, oh, here's a donut. Like there's a little sense of compassion that you would have for somebody who is going through something. Why lose a pregnancy or why, if we're dealing with infertility, is this something we have to deal with quietly behind closed doors?

Kristyn Hodgdon:
So what made you make the decision to start sharing your story publicly? Was it? It wasn't at this point. It was when you initially started treatments, correct?

Caroline Lunny:
Well, so I found out in February 2020 that something was wrong. And then not only did COVID happen, I was like Patient X, I had COVID before we even got into lockdown. And so at that time it was really scary. We didn't know anything about COVID. And so I was at my mom's house and she locked me in her master bedroom because there was like an en suite. I was in there for four and a half weeks. She didn't let me leave the room for four weeks.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Oh my gosh.

Caroline Lunny:
I'm amazed like I have any muscle left at this point. I was getting like maybe 200 steps a day. And so I remember just being trapped like the world was shut down. And once I had finally been allowed to leave my room, the first thing and I didn't have my period the whole time. So like, I'm freaking out and like COVID affects our periods and things like that. But the whole time I'm in quarantine, I don't have my period. I'm like, oh my god, I'm too late. I'm going through menopause as we speak. I just thought I was like, It's happening like, I'm too late. And it was terrifying, it was terrible. But the first time I left the house, I went straight to the fertility clinic and I just was like, nope, because I got my period and I was like, boom, day three, let's go, test on my shit, we're doing this, we're going for it. And I think in the beginning it's a lot to process and you don't really know what to make of all of it. And you're told, like, you shouldn't tell anybody. Like, we don't know what this is. And, and I'm just I don't do well with being told to keep quiet. It's just not my thing, it's never been my thing. Like, I just, I like to talk about my feelings. I like to talk about what I'm going through, it helps me. And I will say this, the worst part, you do podcast, you get it. But the worst part of this whole journey was the part where I was quiet. And when I was dealing with it alone, nobody knew what I was going through. And I was just left with these doctors who weren't being compassionate. And I was just, it was awful to deal with it alone. When I first found this out, I didn't get out of bed for three days. I was devastated.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
When you got the results from the OB-GYN, what was her suggestion?

Caroline Lunny:
To go to a boutique fertility doctor. She said, don't go to a big name. She said, go somewhere small. You're going to need boutique care.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Okay.

Caroline Lunny:
Which was actually great advice. I didn't immediately take it just because I didn't, I didn't know where to start. And so I asked a friend where to go, and I won't name names because I didn't enjoy my experience with the first one. And I think that this is a really, again, it's all part of my testimony and I feel like it had to happen. I hated the clinic that I first went to. It was very cold, it was very emotionless, it felt like a doctor's office and it felt sad. Like the energy in the waiting room was just sad. Everyone was like, it sucks. Like being in the waiting room with a fertility clinic blows. There's no way to like the energy is shitty and sad.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
It really is.

Caroline Lunny:
And we're, because we're all sad. Like nobody wants to be here. We're supposed to be like, we made love and now we have a baby. So here we are, we're all thousands and thousands of dollars in debt and sad. I'ts like.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
And no one wants to talk to each other because they're not sure where anyone else is at in their journey. And so everyone just kind of stares at their phone And.

Caroline Lunny:
Not me, I'm like, how are you doing? Like, and I just, I need that like community and even just complementing somebody's outfit in, in the waiting room was helpful. And just because it was like, oh, what a pretty dress. Like just something to be like, hey, we know that this sucks, but let's talk about anything else to make it fun.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
More of that, please.

Caroline Lunny:
And so, when I saw, when I first went to that that clinic, they ran my labs and the numbers were still pretty shitty. Nothing had improved. Shocking. And so we did the ultrasounds or whatever, and they were like, oh, well, you don't have, it was either four or five follicles is what they needed to do a retrieval. And I was like, oh, okay, so we'll we'll try again next month. And she was like, yeah. And now I know that she didn't believe me when we said that. And she, you know, she was just lying to me, basically, I think, because I never had over five. I've never, in all the years I've been doing this now and every ultrasound I've ever had, I've never had more than two. It's just never been how it's gone for me. So if I had stayed with that clinic, they were never going to help me. There was nothing they could do, and so I later learned through doing all this that a bigger clinic focuses more on their stats and because they want to have a higher success rate. So that's why it's really important to shop around and go to a boutique clinic, if you can find one. Because they didn't care about me, they cared about their numbers, they cared about being like, Look how successful we are. And it's like, Yeah, well, you were 0% successful with me, so fuck you.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
So how did you ultimately find Dr. Aimee? Who I know you, you love.

Caroline Lunny:
I'm going to burst into tears because, like, I can't even tell you how much I love this woman, and I'm so grateful for her. And it's just so funny the way the stars align for everything. So I was Miss Massachusetts in 2014, and the girl who is Miss Massachusetts in 2013 and I were friends and followed each other on social media. And thank God she was put in my life because I'm talking about this on my stories and being like, hey, this is what's going on. And I don't really know what to do. And in the beginning it's really confusing. And I'm so grateful that I had this community of women listening to me and everyone's like, oh, I've got this, or why don't you try that? And I know people love to shit on people for like giving their unsolicited advice, but I am so grateful that people came in and chimed in because it helped me know where to look and it helped me know where to turn. So my friend was like, you should reach out to this lady. I think she's called the egg whisperer. And I was like, I love good branding, that's fun. And so I was like, I'm already working with this other clinic and I don't know what to do. So like, I just could use somebody, like she, she'll like, look at your stuff and she'll just tell you maybe a different perspective or whatever. She's out in San Francisco, so what am I going to do? I'm in Boston. Cut to, I moved there.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Oh my god. For that reason or?

Caroline Lunny:
Oh, yeah, I literally moved there to be with her. I guess that was a bit. But so she had, I call it, Dr. Aimee and because I just I thought she's like a project manager. I like, Peter, like, I don't know, I paid her a good amount of money for like a phone call consult. And I just was like, I just need somebody else, like, look at stuff and I don't know what to do. And thank God it just was divine intervention because she's my family now. But so she, like I had to send her over all of my labs from the other doctors because I already have these labs, like, we don't need to run more. Like, let's just look at the old labs. So the first thing she says to me on the phone is she's like, okay, so about your autoimmune disorder. And I was like, this silly little woman, I was like, no, no, no, that's my aunt. You must be reading like, my family history, like. And she's like, has nobody talked to you about this yet? And I was like, what do you mean? Like?

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Oh my gosh, what was it?

Caroline Lunny:
So like my TPO AB Antibodies are ridiculously, like not where they're supposed to be. And so it's funny that she's looking at all these other doctor's labs that they took, and they did. And nobody over there said, hey, it looks like you're on the road to Hashimoto's. And that's what's causing this, it's just unexplained infertility.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Wow.

Caroline Lunny:
And Dr. Aimee, if you follow her at all, you know, she's like, it's never unexplained. There's always a reason.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Yeah, I have Hashimoto's, by the way.

Caroline Lunny:
Oh, you do?

Kristyn Hodgdon:
I do. And I always say that my only, I think there's a lot of misinformation out there, but my only symptom was fatigue. And it was like the height of COVID. And I was like, oh, you know, I have two little ones. Like, it's probably just being a mom.

Caroline Lunny:
I just thought I was lazy.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
And I'm like, yeah, I'm like explaining this crushing fatigue, OA, And I had a full blown autoimmune disease, so yeah.

Caroline Lunny:
What do you do for that? Like, what are you?

Kristyn Hodgdon:
I'm on Levothyroxine, which is like synthroid is another name for it, but it basically gets my hormone levels where they need, my thyroid levels where they need to be. And I go every so often for thyroid ultrasounds and repeat blood work basically. But thyroid and fertility are very interconnected. And so if you haven't, for those listening, had your fertility doctor or your OB-GYN run your thyroid levels, you should, just to kind of check that box.

Caroline Lunny:
Yeah. If you're being told that you have unexplained infertility, just call Doctor Aimee. The biggest thing to take away from all of this is you have to advocate for yourself. And it's like you're advocating for your kids. And it's been one of the coolest things that I've taken away from all of this, is the my ability to channel my mama bear energy. Like, yes, I don't physically have a child in the next room or like in my belly, but like, they exist, do you know what I mean? Like, and they're somewhere else right now. If you believe in higher power, heaven, whatever, they're over there. And I have to do what I can to bring them here. And it's like, and if I don't do these things, then they are just lost forever. And so if it's thing where you like, you know, when they say like a mom can lik,e pick a kit, like a car off her kid, it's like that. Like you find the strength within you where you just, like, suck it up. Like, you just keep going and you find the strength to do all of it. But back to the thyroid medication, really cool story, and it's one of the coolest things that's happened to me in my life, honestly. And when this all started and this kind of, just talking about this on my Instagram to my community gave my pain a purpose and it just kind of helped me, it was like weird little therapy for me to like just talk about it. And it helped my journey be easier to connect to other women who were in similar situations. And I've gotten multiple messages like this since, but the first one that came through, this woman messaged me and she said, hey, I just want to thank you. She's like, because you talked about how there's no such thing as unexplained infertility and about thyroids and all of the things. She's like, I've had four miscarriages and she's like, I've never gotten to see my baby before. She sent me her ultrasound photos. She goes, I haven't even told my mom yet. She's like, But I've never gotten to see my baby in an ultrasound before. Like, so I just want to thank you. Because if it wasn't for you telling me about this, I wouldn't have got on the thyroid medication. And I was like, and that's what I believe is like keeping this baby here. And she's like, it was such a simple fix and nobody had told me to do that before. And I follow her on Instagram now and it's so cool. The baby's like a year and some change-year old and it's really cool to see. It's like, that's what this was about. And it was like supposed to be so much bigger and we're supposed to be talking about this. And I hate that no one feels like they can talk about it or all of these things. So it was really cool to be like, hey, this is so much bigger than just like my shit, it's affecting all of us. And it was just really cool to be like, okay, this is why this happened to me. Because, like, it's hard, you know what I mean? Like, you go through life, like I'm a good person. I don't deserve this. This blows. Like, what the fuck did I do to deserve this? And then it's something like that, you're like, oh, this is why, like this is so much bigger than me. It's, it had to be this way. And it was just it was cool, so it made it all worth it.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Well, thank you for using your platform to share this. And I feel like, especially since you've been doing this by yourself and just taking control of your fertility for the future has been, I'm sure, inspiring a lot of people to do the same.

Caroline Lunny:
And I think it is really cool the way that it all went down. And I started this with a boyfriend and it was, I was actually talking to somebody about it this morning, after my first egg retrieval. It gave me, like I said, that mama bear. And all of a sudden I'm your mom and like, it's weird how it just like for me it just like clicked and I was like, I'm a mom now. Like, I just have an egg. One egg at this point in the freezer, like, that's it. And I'm like.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
You really do form a connection.

Caroline Lunny:
Like I, like Aimee named it. She's like, oh, that golden egg. And now we're calling it Goldie. And it's like, you know what I mean?

Kristyn Hodgdon:
I love it.

Caroline Lunny:
It was cool because I was able to see a situation that I was in differently, and I, I couldn't leave this abusive relationship for myself, but all of a sudden I was like, hold on. I was like, my kids deserve a better dad than that schmuck. And it was just like, I'm going to set my daughter up for years of daddy issues and just like a heartbreak and like, I know how awful it is to have a terrible dad, I know firsthand. And it was like, Oh my God, you can't like, you have to break the cycle, it ends here. Like, I couldn't, like, leave for myself, but I could leave for my kids. It was weird. And it's just it's cool. Like, people, like, complain about doing all this. It's like, you know, you swollen and you're bloated and you're hormonal. And it's been such a cool moment of growth for me, and it has only positively impacted my life. And for that I'm super, super grateful.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
I can definitely identify with that. You don't want it to happen, but I think infertility is a really big life lesson in like kind of having to relinquish control and, and then everything good that comes from it. It's hard not to see. I mean, I'm definitely a completely different person than I was before going through all of this.

Caroline Lunny:
If you go back and undo it, like if you could just be like, oh, I like, if I could just have sex the normal way and have a baby. ... Like, would you go back and undo all of this?

Kristyn Hodgdon:
No. I mean, I don't think I'd have the kids that I have. I don't think I'd have the perspective, the empathy. Like, I feel like I'm way more able to sit with people in their hard times because I know what it's like to go through hard times. And I mean just endless. I wouldn't have my company, and I do feel like I was meant to use my voice to talk about this stuff and educate people because the more I do this, you know, I was 27, college graduate, and I didn't know that I had to ovulate regularly in order to get pregnant. Like there's a problem there.

Caroline Lunny:
How little we know. Like, yeah.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
And so, I mean, we're hoping to even catch people earlier when it's like because I think so many people think like, oh, because I'm in my twenties, I don't have to think about it. But I personally wish that every OB-GYN's office would just like blanket test women at like 25, maybe 30, but.

Caroline Lunny:
25. Absolutely. I think the sooner the better. I think if you can get a fertility panel done or I don't know ....., get all your fertility labs done, if you have the means to freeze your eggs, freeze your eggs as soon as possible. Like I wish I was 18 years old when I froze my eggs. And people are like, oh, it's so expensive. You're like, oh, you should pay for storage. And it's like, or you could spend an entire house like a mortgage, whatever, or you can pay cash for houses, you get what I'm trying to say. We spend $2 billion down the road trying to fix something you had just like fixed it beforehand. And if you had just been proactive, I would have cost you a lot less.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
So how many retrievals did you end up doing?

Caroline Lunny:
Eight.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Wow.

Caroline Lunny:
Yeah, it was a lot. And I also, I had my breast implants removed as well, so I had nine surgeries in a year and a half. My body was, at the end it was, my body was like, no, we're done.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Yeah. And what made you decide that you were done? Just like a gut feeling or you got enough eggs that you felt comfortable?

Caroline Lunny:
Our goal is 15 and we got 11. And at the end I honestly thought I had gone through menopause. I was having hot flashes and my period had stopped. And Aimee and I both were like, it's happening, it's over. And I didn't get my period for three months. And like, Lord knows, the day I bled again, I was on the roof like, oh my god, I was like, I still got it. So every time I get my period, I like thank Jesus. And I'm just like, oh, I love these cramps, this is amazing, I love my period. Like, oh, this is awesome. And it's just like, it's so funny, it's all a matter of perspective.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Oh, yeah, absolutely. So you have your 11 eggs and tell me about the freeze and share thing that you did with your sister.

Caroline Lunny:
Okay, so yeah, so I got 11 of my own eggs, right? Because obviously the goal is to have my own biological child. But in the beginning, when, before I found Dr. Aimee, and I think I saw about five different gynecologist specialists, I went to a menopause fertility specialist because I just don't know what to do.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Yeah.

Caroline Lunny:
We all were like, oh, she needs an egg donor. She needs an egg donor. Like, she's not going to have her own kids. She needs egg donor. And you're just like, all right, cool. And then it's kind of terrifying feeling where you're like, how do I pick someone to be my egg donor? And I just pictured myself, like, flipping through this binder, and I'm like, how do I pick somebody to be me? Like, you know what I mean? Like, it was weird. And just because I didn't fully understand, like, what my options were.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
It's hard to also wrap your head around that when I mean, obviously donor eggs are a beautiful path to parenthood for those that need it. But when you're 29 and you haven't even tried yet, like to be told that you need an egg donor definitively, that's like, wait a second.

Caroline Lunny:
It just like, it just is such a kick in the gut. It's just like, how am I supposed to pick an egg donor? And like, obviously that wasn't something I needed to do tomorrow, but like, that's not how I pictured this going. I wanted it to be like, oh my god, I do that. She's like, like that weird freckle I have right now, ..., you know? And I don't even know how it came to be, but all of a sudden my sister was, I think, and I feel so bad because initially I was like, I don't want her eggs. You're so sad that it's just like you're still grasping what's at hand. And like, because at the end of the day, I don't want to have my sister's eggs. Like, I want my eggs. However, I want to be a mom and I want to experience pregnancy. Like that is something that like, I, like my heart is like pulled towards. It's always just been something that I've known that I wanted for myself and like, there's just no world where I was ever like, I don't know if I want kids. I'm like, I can't wait. Like, I love it. I love all of it, I want all of it. And I don't even know how it came to be, but my sister was all of a sudden she's like, yeah, like, I'll give you my eggs. Like, fine, like, no big deal. And we just figured, you know, when the time came she would do that, But Dr. Aimee was like, no, let's go in and get these now. And I love that because why wait? Because maybe my sister is going to have the same problem that I do, and my sister is just the most phenomenal human being. So she did her Modern Fertility test and she literally didn't tell me for weeks, like when the results came back, because she had passed with flying colors like her AMH is like top notch, that's ... That's great news. And she told my mom that she was sad because she wanted her numbers to be bad so that I could have someone to go through this with.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Oh.

Caroline Lunny:
I was like, Oh my God. The level of kindness and compassion in your heart is just, I hope my kids get that. I hope, like, do you know what I mean? And I was like, I love you so much for being that person who thinks like that, but I'm so happy because I wouldn't wish this on anyone. And also, can I have some of your eggs? But yeah, so she, she came out and we did a whole egg retrieval together. She did all the shots, she did everything. She's a spring chicken, let me tell you, she had 27 follicles. I know, sorry, she had 27, 27 follicles, but 27 were retrieved and 20 of them were mature.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Wow.

Caroline Lunny:
Unbelievable. So the frozen share program that Dr. Aimee does is really cool because she's seen this happen a lot. So if you're familiar with donating eggs, you're familiar with the idea that people get paid to do this, right? So people will donate their eggs to a couple for an individual, however you want it works. And, so then maybe, she has no problem donating to so and so, giving them her eggs. And then down the road, when it's time for her to have her own baby, there's nothing left. Just for people who don't understand this, I don't want to say like she gave them those eggs and then she ran it, and that's why she ran out. That's not how it works. That's just, you're not going to run out based on an egg retrieval. But so the whole idea with the freeze share is that you shouldn't have to just give somebody else eggs and then be left with nothing. It's so amazing to be able to do this where you don't, so with a freezing share, my sister got half and I got the other half. So if, God forbid, something happens and Courtney needs them, she has ten eggs on ice ready to go and their beautiful 25 year old eggs, they're like, couldn't ask for a better time to freeze your eggs, right? In peak performance. But it's nice to have the option to have your own eggs and then also donate to somebody who can't have a child on their own. I think it's such an amazing gift to give yourself and also someone in need. And so with the freeze share program, the donor recipient is the one who pays for flights, hotel, the whole egg retrieval. Like there's no cost and like all the medication, everything is covered by the donor recipient. And so the donor just gets the whole experience for free and gets to keep half of her eggs.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
That's awesome.

Caroline Lunny:
Whereas like, if you're going to donate, typically you, you make money, but you might as well save some for yourself. If you want kids, freeze your eggs. Freeze them yesterday.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Yeah, that was going to be my wrap up question, which would just be if, to anyone who's thinking about freezing their eggs, what advice would you give?

Caroline Lunny:
Do it now. Do it yesterday. I mean, I think it's so sad to watch, but I'm so grateful that she came out and spoke about it. But perfect example, Jennifer Aniston, has more money than God, has every doctor in the world would want to work with her and want to help with her. And this is the one thing that doesn't give a shit about who you are and what you've got.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Yeah, I read something that said that her story is the one that's going to have the biggest impact because it's real. You're right. Infertility doesn't discriminate. It doesn't care how old you are, who you are. And at the end of the day, like, yes, could you have used an egg donor or a surrogate or whatever people want to say? Maybe. But this is her journey and she wasn't able to get there, and that's reality.

Caroline Lunny:
I'm so grateful that she came out and spoke. The only thing I wish is that she came out about it sooner. I wish I had said this years ago, but I probably wouldn't have listened because I was so arrogant. I thought I didn't have such great numbers. I don't want to brag about how great my fertility is, and I think it's so ridiculous that we've been brainwashed to believe that like, hey, if you have sex, you're going to get pregnant. And it doesn't matter what time of month you get. We are having sex, it's like we know nothing about it, and it's so sad that we are just so naive with all of this. I don't know. I just, I think it's so great how people are speaking about it, that Jennifer Aniston came out and talked about it. And then it's just becoming a more common thing to talk about. So that way it's on people's radar because we're not guaranteed anything. So just, just freeze your eggs. And if you don't have the means to freeze your eggs, look into the freezing share program because you can literally freeze your eggs for free. And I know some people, when I talk about doing the freeze and you're like, I don't want to like have somebody like, have my kid out there, And I get that, but also if you can remove that kind of way of thinking about it and think about, like I didn't have a sister let's say, I need someone to donate their eggs so I can have kids, so I can get that experience. And so it's like I get that it might be hard for somebody to wrap their brain around the idea of donating, but like, some people just don't have another option and you're giving someone the greatest gift that you can give them. And not only because, like, it's not that easy, like, oh, just adopt. It's like, sure, adoption is great and that's a beautiful thing. But also, like, it's hard to adopt, it's expensive to adopt and sometimes that doesn't even work. But also it's like, I want to experience being pregnant, I want all of that. So just, if you're listening to this, be open to the idea of sharing your eggs with somebody because some people don't have sisters and ... Able to do so and really be making their life, so.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Absolutely. And lastly, what would you rescript about, for those who might be nervous about like the physical, mental and emotional aspects of egg freezing and the whole process of IVF, what would you sort of rescript about the way people think about that?

Caroline Lunny:
Lean into it. I think the best thing for me in this whole experience is I just leaned into it like I knew I was going to be hormonal and I was going to cry and I was going to it was going to be a roller coaster. And I think when you just, like, lean into it and know that it's not always going to be like that, it's not like when you have the stomach flu and you're like, you're like, Oh my God, it's hot, hot lava coming out of me and I, and I hate my life. And you're just like sitting there, like, holding yourself in a little ball. And you were like, it's never, life is always going to be like this. No, it's like 24 hours in then it'll pass, and then you're fine. But in that moment, you feel like this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me in my life. It's always going to be like this, it's not. It's just, you just have to, like, suck it up for a little bit and know that you're going to feel like shit or you're going to feel bloated and you're going to be farting up a storm. I'm very grateful that I was single for the majority of this process because the tubes, let me tell you, ... real, they're next level and the bloating and like. And as somebody who has like body dysmorphia and I used to have an eating disorder, like I know some people have a really hard time with the bloating aspect of it, get some fucking yoga pants, .... Lines, put on some comfy sweats and a baggy sweatshirt, and I would just like go for a walk and I would put my hand on my bloated stomach. And I just this is like my pregnancy journey. Like, this is part of it.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Yeah.

Caroline Lunny:
If you think about it like that. Like, think about when you actually get there to have the baby, ike your body is not your own.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Oh yeah!

Caroline Lunny:
You have to.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Yeah. It's, kind of mentally prepares you for, kind of that having to let go, because your body isn't going to be your own at some point.

Caroline Lunny:
I think the best thing is just to surrender, lean into it. Also use it as an excuse to like, just do nothing. Like be like, hey, ...., I'm so tired from all my things. Like just tell people that you're going through it and it's a get out of jail free card, Like lean into it. Let it be like, okay, I have to have a cake right now because hormones, like, it's like, it's the ultimate get out of jail free card besides actually being pregnant, so.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Well, I love that advice. And thank you so much for sharing your journey and all that you do to use your platform for good in this fertility world. And I'm so happy you have your eggs waiting for you.

Caroline Lunny:
It's wild, though, to be done with it, and to like, it became like my identity. Like I put it in two years, like a solid two years. And I literally moved from Boston to San Francisco without knowing anybody, and, just so I could finish doing my eggs because I had an egg ..., Doctor Aimee looked a little bit scared. She looked like she was like, we're getting to the end. And I didn't like, she was like, oh oh, you've never made that face before. I was like, all right, we got to go balls to the wall. And so I like literally right after that, I signed a lease for an apartment out there, I went home and I packed some stuff and I came right back. I was like, nope, we're doing this. We're going all in, so.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
And what an awesome story to be able to tell your future kids.

Caroline Lunny:
It was good. It was really, it was hard, but it was really cool chapter to learn how strong I actually am. I don't think I ever thought of myself as like someone who was strong before and now I'm like, bitch, like, look at you go.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
I feel that for sure. Well, thanks again. This is amazing.

Caroline Lunny:
Everybody out there, if you're in this journey, if you're listening to this, you're clearly in this in some way, shape or form, so.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Yes, there are a lot of us. You're not alone.

Caroline Lunny:
I know. So good luck to everybody. And thank you so much for having me and giving us a space to talk about this. So that way, hopefully, this will be way less of a problem down the road.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Of course. Always.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Dear (In)fertility. We hope it left you feeling more educated and empowered about your reproductive and sexual health. Whatever you're currently struggling with, Rescripted is here to hold your hand every step of the way. If you liked today's episode and want to stay up to date on our podcast, don't forget to click subscribe, and to join Rescripted's Free Fertility Support Community, head to Rescripted.com.

Sonix is the world’s most advanced automated transcription, translation, and subtitling platform. Fast, accurate, and affordable.

Automatically convert your mp3 files to text (txt file), Microsoft Word (docx file), and SubRip Subtitle (srt file) in minutes.

Sonix has many features that you'd love including upload many different filetypes, powerful integrations and APIs, secure transcription and file storage, automatic transcription software, and easily transcribe your Zoom meetings. Try Sonix for free today.