When Your Body Says “Not Today”

Last week, I spent an entire Girlhood entry talking about my new home gym and how it felt like this tiny pocket of peace in my very full, very chaotic house. A place to breathe. A place to feel like myself for thirty uninterrupted minutes, which, honestly, feels like a luxury these days.

And then — because the universe loves a plot twist — my body promptly reminded me to slow down. As it tends to do when you’re living with a chronic illness.

I have Hashimoto’s, an autoimmune disease of the thyroid, and while I’m symptom-free about 85% of the time (as long as my TSH stays in check), every so often it makes itself known. Not dramatically, just a quiet, persistent nope that’s impossible to ignore.

What really gets me is that these flare-y moments always seem to show up when I’m genuinely trying to do something healthy. This time, I apparently worked out a little too close to the sun (hi, Taylor). I felt amazing in the moment — proud, energized — and then woke up the next day with a full-body hangover. And not the fun kind that follows a great night out. The kind where simply existing feels like a sport. 

It’s one of those cruel realities of living with an invisible illness, especially one we still don’t fully understand. My endocrinologist and PCP don’t think my thyroid antibodies matter as long as my TSH looks good. I respectfully disagree, because my body clearly does.

So here’s the lesson I keep relearning: I don’t earn worthiness by pushing through. Rest isn’t retreat; sometimes it’s the most productive thing I can do. And maybe the healthiest choice isn’t trying to "optimize" my body at all, it's simply listening to it.